Naruto Speaks His Mind!
by OtakuLady
Summary: After an unexplained six days lack of sleep, Naruto's mind is just a little bit messed up! So, he does what no one thought possible! He SPEAKS HIS MIND! See what happens after he tells Sakura off, and tries to sell Sasuke to Orochimaru! Chap. 3 updated!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) Okay, so this is a crackfic I basically roleplayed for my friend. I had had VERY little sleep and was spelling out for her what I would do if I was Naruto. So, this fic was born! No, it isn't a Mary Sue or a Self insertion, so no fears! Also, if it is liked, I will probably add chapters on, seeing as I can come up with ideas for this fic like there is no tommorrow, all I need is sugar, and/or lack of sleep. So, tee hee, here it is!

**Naruto Speaks His Mind!!**

**Pairings: **NaruSasu, OrochiSasu (hints thereof), and anything else my mind can bring up.

**Warnings:** Yaoi, Yuri, Hetero, utter crack-tasticness, and a Naruto that defies all logic! There may be angst one minute and total hilarity the next, so I warn you now, expect nothing and get everything! Nyahahahahahah!

**Description:** Naruto goes without sleep for six days, (for some unknown reason) and seriously lays it on all of the cast! He tries to sell Sasuke, tells Sakura off, gives Kakashi some of the worst scares of his life, and totally fucks with everyone's heads! But the one question on everyone's minds is, is this the real Naruto? Is he finally _speaking his mind?_

**Disclaimer:** This is how Naruto would be, if I owned him. So, obviously, seeing as we never see this Naruto, I don't own him. Simple logic.

**Naruto Speaks His Mind!!** -A sleepless blonde does not bode well...

(This is after the chuunin exams, and before the whole Sasuke-abandonement thing.)

Naruto was tired. Okay, no, that was the understatement of the year. He wasn't tired, he was dog-tired. He was Kiba-tired, he was Tsunade-baa-chan-tired, he was Kakashi-sensei-tired.

"Oh, great, now I'm coming up with different kinds of tired. Kuso(Damn)..." Naruto grumbled, as he walked in throught the gates. He was heading towards home, and boy was he glad he was. All he wanted was to crawl into his nice, lumpy bed, wearing his nice walrus hat, and sleep for the full six days he had already missed.

However, fate wasn't that kind. Poor Naruto, in his sleep-deprived state, got blindsided, by? None other than...

"Jeeze, Kakashi-sensei, watch where you're going, why dontcha?!" Naruto grumped from his place on the ground, an adorable pout on his face. Kakashi smiled a one-eyed smile to his student, pulling the boy up, dusting him off.

"Gomen, Naruto, but we have another mission. I'm glad I ran into you, lets get going. Sakura and Sasuke are waiting."

Naruto groaned, looking utterly defeated, and flopped back onto the ground, whining. "Ah, man, I wanted to go to bed! I don't want another stupid mission! Dammit!" But, he got up and followed Kakashi across the town, into the feild Team Seven had claimed as their training grounds.

"YOU'RE LATE!!!" Sakura screeched, hurting Naruto's already aching head. (yes, sleep-deprivation can cause a headache. Atleast it does for me...-Otaku) He growled at the pink-haired girl, but it went unnoticed under the noise of Kakashi's answer.

"Gomen-ne, Sakura, but you see, on my way to go get Naruto, I got hungry, so I stopped somewhere, to get a bite to eat, only the food crawled off my plate and down the road, so I had to catch it-"

"LIAR!" Sakura yelled, again causing Naruto's poor abused head to throb.

"Just SHUT UP!!!" Naruto yelled at her, glaring at the pink haired girl. "You should know by now that he's gonna be late anyway, so what the fuck's the point in bitching about it! Damn, girl, figure it the fuck out! And you call yourself smart!"

Everyone stared at the fuming blonde for a moment, Kakashi with a twin look of mild surprise that was shared by Sasuke, and Sakura quickly turning red. Then she smirked, a cruel cold quirk of her lips.

"Yeah, I'm so worried, this coming from the dumbest kid in our class." She said, flipping her bubblegum pink hair over her shoulder, looking smug. Naruto gave a disgusted snort.

"Hey, Sakura, did you know that on your block, every night, at two-thirty am, there's a man that passes by there. You should say hi! He'd probably like you and your frizzy, lanky, bubble-gum, fuckin' pink hair! And who knows! You might just get over your damn obsession with Sasuke if you got LAID once in a while!"

Now everyone was out and out staring at the fox-boy, wondering who he was and what he had done with Naruto. Sasuke decided to end this before it got out of hand.

"Dobe, knock it off." He growled, warning Naruto. He would fight the blonde boy, if he had to.

"Shut up, Teme, I'm talking!"

Sasuke blinked. What the fuck? Had Naruto just told him to...Shut...Up? -Twitch-

"What. The. FUCK?!" Sasuke said, charging the blonde, who's expression said, 'bring it, biatch!' However, it was not meant to be, for Kakashi-sensei stepped in, flicking each of the boys, hard, on the forehead, with another one of his one-eyed smiles.

"No fighting before a mission." was his simple declaration. Then he went over to make sure no mental damage remained on poor Sakura who was shivvering and whimpering, mumbling something about 'Naruto', 'hair', and 'kill'.

Naruto sat down, grumbling about how no one let him sleep, and was about to curl up right there, when Kakashi decided to tell them the mission perameters, RIGHT. THEN. Naruto growled ferociously, and it didn't affect his silver-maned sensei in the slightest.

"Our mission is to check out some rumors in a village near here, and see if they actually lead to something. If they do, we are to report back, not pursue them. So, you all know our mission. I'll meet you at the gates in two hours. Bring enough supplies for a week long mission, just in case."

With that, everyone wandered off, leaving a very pissed Naruto sitting there, on the cold hard ground, mumbling about stupid sensei's and horrible missions.

**-----**

It was a little known fact that Naruto actually had an extremely well honed memory. It was also a little known fact that he tended to make two copies of his reports. One he kept at home, in a pile of notebooks, and the other he turned in, like the good little ninja they all thought he was.

So, when Naruto packed, he of course, packed the new notebook he had just started. He smiled at the fresh pages, wondering what kind of experiences were going to fill them up. He really didn't want to go on this mission. He wanted to sleep, blissful sleep. But...He wouldn't get it.

Growling he flopped onto his bed. He breathed out, a sigh, really. The bed was so comfortable, but he had to get packing. He had to be ready for the mission. Against his will, or perhaps not so much, his eyes slid closed, and his thoughts started swirling into a comfortable muddle, not a one distinct and yet all being payed attention to.

THUMP

Something slammed against his door, and he jerked upwards, yelling out, "I'M AWAKE!" He blinked, then, and turned towards the source of the sound, which turned out to be his front door. He got up, and went over to the closed entry portal. Opening it, he found his door once again covered in something slimy, and a badly scrawled message across the hall.

'Get lost, demon! No one wants you here! Leave, and never come back!'

Naruto snorted. Jeeze, this was one of the worst attempts at him in his life. Most atleast left a threat. This was just plain half-assed. Probably because he was about to go on a mission, and they wanted him to defect. That made a bunch of sense. Note the sarcasm. He chuckled, and went back inside, filling a bucket he usually used for mop-water with water, and went back outside. Closing his door securely, he threw the bucket on the door, getting most of the slimy substance, that he was pretty sure was a mixture of piss and runny eggs, off. He left the message in place, along with all the other graffiti that had collected along the walls near his apartment door, and went back inside.

He had to hand it to those villagers though, they had acted as a perfect alarm clock. They really had helped him this time. Maybe he should throw a block party in thanks.

Yeah, right, like THAT was gonna happen.

HE finished packing, making sure he had a good suppply of exploding tags and kunai, then jumped out his window, deciding that the rooftops would be safer right now then the streets. He jumped, feeling a little bit better, with the wind in his face. It atleast kept his mind off of the stinging, burning in his eyes.

Arriving at the gate, he was a little pissed off to find Sakura wasn't there, and neither was Kakashi.

"Hn." was his greeting from the infamous Uchiha heir. He growled, and befroe his head could catch up with him, his mouth opened and was speaking words he had longed to say since before they had become a team.

"Y'know, Sasuke, just because you're so high and mighty, doesn't mean that you can treat others like that, you ass. I will have you know that you may have had your family slaughtered, but atleast you had one for a small time being. I REALLY can't stand that higher than thou attitude, and most especially that stupid god-be-damned VENGEANCE kick of yours! Dear god, what are you, obssessed or what? Do you intend to fulfill some sort of Incestuous fantasy your sick-as-fuck brother left you alive for, or what?! Jesus Christ, man, come up with something original and stop letting him rule your fucking life!"

Somewhere during his tirade, Kakashi had shown up, as had Sakura, and Sasuke, unable to get a word in edgewise, was forced to fume and growl in silence, as Kakashi shooed them all away, down the road and onto their mission.

Kakashi was fucked. It was that simple. Instead of his normal team, one had been replaced with a pissed off, grumpy, smart-as-fuck, smartass, and now the whole thing was out of balance. Naruto had already told off both Sakura and Sasuke. What was next? Smart-mouth their opponents? Though, he wasn't expecting any, since this wasn't an assasin-type mission, nor was it a bodygaurd-type.

They were busy travelling, and he was sure there was tension in the atmosphere. Naruto really was lucky that Sasuke seemed to be thinking about what Naruto had said, rather than beating the shit out of the Kyuubi-carrier.

When they camped that night, after a full days travel, Naruto was greatful to lay down in his threadbare sleeping bag, and sighed in relief. That is, until he was pulled forcefully from his nice warm haven of near-sleep, by a sneering Sasuke.

"The FUCK, Dobe?! You've been a royal ass all day, and on top of that, you've been pissing me off to no end!"

Naruto growled, warningly, his eye twitching in utter annoyance. He snarled as he slapped the raven-haired boy's hands away. Glaring at him with ice-blue eyes, He sneered.

"Maybe I'm just tired of being you and Sakura's fucking PUNCHING bag. Maybe I'm tired of the fact that you two treat me less like a teammate and more like a fucking hassle! -"

"Well, maybe if you acted a little more mature, rather than like the dumbass you are!" Sasuke replied, his face going back to the mask he always wore. Finally, he was getting past that sunny, smiling clown-face, and to a REAL Naruto, something solid, and human.

"Y'know, if I acted nearly as smart as I really was, I'd be dead now. Especially if it meant dealing with YOUR annoying ass. And, on top of that, I really don't care what you people think about me. To you, I'm nothing more than a tool, but hey, that's shinobi are. So I'm perfect for the job. I was born a tool, and I'll die one too!"

"The hell? No one is BORN a tool, they become one! Figur eit the fukc out, Usuratonkachi!"

"Yeah? Coulda fool the fuck out of me!" Naruto said, turning on the dark-eyed boy, and stalking off into the forest, wanting nothing more than to find a nice tree to sleep in. Since it seemed he was doomed not to get any sleep in camp.

Sasuke glared off in the direction of the forest. What the hell did that moron mean, 'born a tool'. It didn't make sense.

Naruto alighted on the branches of a large oak tree, and sat there. He stared at the moon, his eyes half-mast, wanting to rest, but knowing that it was unsafe so far from his camp. God, he wished he could just through caution to the wind and go to sleep. It would be so much easier, and in the morning he could explain all he had said away as nothing more than sleep-depro.

But, it seemed fate was indeed a cruel mistress. He wasn't allowed to sleep, as Kakashi appeared, telling him that he had first watch, seeing as he had seemed to be inclined to do it anyway. Once that smiling one-eyed jounin dissapeared, the forest was regaled with cursing.

It seemed he would get no sleep this night either. Seven nights. Seven nights this made it, that he hadn't gotten any sleep, one full week.

**----**

Sakura was pissed off at Naruto. He had, after all, insulted her beautiful hair. And on top of that, had said some really terrible things to Sasuke. And on top of THAT, Kakashi-sensei hadn't done anything about it.

That was the worst part, she beleived.

When they arrived in the village, Naruto, vibrant bright boy that he was, was starting to look a tad bit like a zombie. He was twitchy, and kept looking around, as if expecting an attack.

They had spent a small amount of money on one room, with four futons, and Naruto was almost thankful, tears streaming from his eyes at the sight of the tiny room, with the thick blankets already laid out.

"Alright, time to gather information. You guys, go out and talk to people, find out anything strange people have seen recently. We'll meet back at the restaurant down the street, the one that sells Dango. Got it?"

Naruto groaned, and followed his teacher out onto the streets, walking southward, while Sasuke went west, Sakura took north, and Kakashi took west. Naruto was just a tad bit down. He seemed to find people who had all seen one type of apparition or another. One claimed to have seen a very large snake, and another claimed to have seen a huge gopher. The stories were so convoluted, Naruto had a hard time telling what was fact, and what was just made up for attention.

And it didn't help that he kept seeing weird things out of the corner of his eyes. It was making him paranoid. Then again, paranoia tended to keep Ninja's alive... But that's not the point, god damn it!   
He was getting really tired of it, and he wanted it to stop! He decided that maybe just sitting down at a table would help, and so, giving up on the twisted mass of stories, he went back to the restaurant, intent on catching just a bit of shuteye at the table.

When he arrived, he managed to snatch up a table a little bit towards the back, where it was shady, and sat down. Ordering a couple dango, and some water, he then laid his head down on the table in front of him, heaving a huge sigh of releif.

Fate. Is. A. Bitch.

Sakura came in, following a rather annoyed Sasuke. The pink haired girl wasn't just loud, she was annoying. Naruto cringed, whining. He really was hated by the gods, wasn't he! It must be becuase of that damn demon! He started pinching his own stomach, mumbling about 'demons', 'gods', and 'stupid'. Even Sasuke had an eyetwitch at that one. What the hell?!

"Well, now, if we can forget Naruto's impending insanity, how about we compare stories?" Kakashi said, appearing out of no where behind Sakura, who let out an indignant squeak.

Naruto continued grumbling, digging in his pouch for the notebook, as everyone sat down. Sasuke risked sitting by Naruto, since Sakura didn't want to and Kakashi had already sat down across from the blonde boy. Naruto flipped open the little notebook, having already written down what he found, and started to take notes on what the others had found too.

That is, until it all became a jumbled mess when people kept jumping in, changing this, altering that. It was SERIOUSLY pissing Naruto off.

"Shut up, Teme, I'm trying to write!"

Sasuke had just opened his mouth to condradict something Sakura had said, when the blonde moron had turned to him, glaring and declared that he was to shut. up. -Twitch-

This was happening FAR too often for Sasuke's peace of mind.

Naruto however, didn't notice the twitching, growling Sasuke next to him. He had, instead, noticed a strange movement out of the corner of his eye, and, bieng a shinobi, decided to be better safe than sorry. He slashed a kunai through the air with expert ease, and sunk it into...

A beam. Of wood. That hadn't moved.

He felt really stupid. But he was sure there had been someone there just a moment ago! He was! And he explained this to the others, but did they listen to him? No...

Meanwhile, a few houses away, Kabuto was heaving and puffing. WOW, Naruto-kun had gotten observant! He had had to move, REALLY fast, in order to escape being caught! Jeeze...

Back at the ranch! Or rather, the restaurant. Naruto had been beaten severely by Sasuke and Sakura for his scaring the help, and now, they were once again comparing notes. And, halfway through his story about the villager who had 'seen' a giant snake, it hit them. Both Sasuke and Kakashi went tense, and looked at each other.

Naruto then realised just what he had said. He was up and gone, in a minute, closely followed by Sasuke. However, they got about ten steps outside, when both were restrained by Kakashi.

"Now, now, you two, what do you think is going to be accomplished by chasing down that particular rumor? Hmm?"

"I can kill him for biting me?!" Sasuke said, low and dangerous.

"I can congratulate him for biting the teme?" Naruto said, brightly, smiling like he had no cares in the world. "Ooh! Or better yet, I can see if he'll bite Sakura too, only harder this time, and break her neck!"

Apperantly the two genin didn't apreciate their teammates enthusiasm, as he was quicly pounded into the ground again.

"But, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said, dusting off her hands, "isn't our missions objective to verify the rumors?"

Kakashi was caught. They were indeed. And that meant...Chasing a ghost of Orochimaru through the fucking woods! Dammit! He really was cursed. Inner Kakashi was crying. A lot.

"Alright, but we're gonna take this slow, and easy. No one seperates from the group, got it? And if there's any sign of them, we run back home." The silver haired Jounin REALLY didn't feel like getting his ass handed to him by Orochimaru, nope, nuh-uh, no thank you.

**-----**

Lady luck hated Kakashi, apperantly. Who else should he run into today, BUT Orochimaru?

The snake-man wasn't too happy about it either, as he was in MUCH pain, (thank god for Advil.) and wasn't really up to a fight. Kabuto had already reported that they were in the area, but the little bastards had caught up WAY too quickly.

Kakashi was thinking the exact same thing. They had surprised them! What the fuck?!

(What really happened: Kakashi and group went in blindly into the forest, got lost, turned around and ended up literally BACKING into Orochi's group which consisted of Orochimaru, Kabuto and a random Henchperson. )

"Ah, Sasuke-kun. What a pleasant surprise." Ororchimaru tried desperately to cover up not only his surprise, but his pain as well. He smirked then, "Finally figured out that I can give you more power?"

Naruto growled. Sasuke however, looked like he was considering the offer, and Kakashi, though it looked like he was reading Icha Icha Paradise, actually had a chibi-him inside his head running around screaming, "OH NOES! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die!!" (thanks for the vote of confidence, Kakashi-sensei. -Naruto)

"Hey, look Snake-for-brains! Sasuke ain't going no where unless you pay for him!!" Naruto yelled, jabbing a finger in the direction of Orochimaru. The snake-nin's eyebrows rose a tad bit, and he smirked.

"Oh really. Then how much would be acceptable, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto's eyes slammed open to giant size, gaining starry-sparkles, like in a shojo manga, and he gasped, "How much ya got?!"

Sasuke stood there, incredulous, mouth opening, but no syllables coming out. Finally he found his voice again.

"A-are you...SELLING ME, DOBE???" Sasuke's screech could be heard all the way back in Konoha, and Tsunade cleaned out her ears, mumbling something about "Damn noisy Uchihas".

Naruto turned from his negotiations with the Sannin, and said:

"Shut up, Teme, I'm trying to get a good deal here."

Sasuke looked down, shadows covering his face. His entire form trembled, and his hands clenched into fists. A fire, which Sakura and Kakashi both jumped back from, surrounded the raven-haired boy, and when he looked up, his sharingan was activated. He was raring his arm back, getting ready to punch Naruto when all of a sudden, Naruto called out.

"Nah, never mind, Snake-hentai. I don't work with Pedophiles."

Everything halted. The very birds in the air stopped, as Orochimaru went, -TWITCH-. It had to have been the most violent twitch in all of history. The air stilled, and the konoha nins were slowly backing away, hoping to god that they could get away in time, as was Kabuto. The poor little random Henchperson (We never did find out it's gender...) didn't know any better, and so did not realise the cloud of killer intent that was wafting his way. It did, in fact, take a tentative wiff and announced, "It smells like strawberries..."

Orochimaru, completely uncaring of the pain, grabbed the poor henchpersons neck, and snapped it like a twig. His golden eyes had a fire in them, like when Sakura wanted to kill Naruto for kissing Sasuke, and he was growling, loudly.

Naruto however, hadn't realised what he had just unleashed, and so therefore was standing there, cluelessly, going, "What, what did I do? Why's everyone running away?"

No one answered, as Sakura grabbed him and RAN. She ran as far and as fast as she could, Sasuke and Kakashi right behind them. They got out of there as quickly as they possibly could, and lucky for them they did, because soon the entire place was covered in snake-belly.

The newspapers in the closest town the next day read, "Giant snake seen in forest, End of World aproaches!!"

Naruto, meanwhile was being severely reprimanded by Tsunade. He didn't really care though, because he was home, and that meant...SLEEP!!

He stopped listening to the old hag about ten minutes into her lecture, and crawled up unto her desk, scattering papers everywhere, and curled up like a little kitten. He was soon into the world of dreams, a soft smile on his tan face.

-Twitch- -twitch-

Let's just say, Naruto was in the hospital for a week.

But hey, atleast he got some sleep, right?!

End 

Otaku: WOW that was a blast to write! Tell me what you all think!

Naruto: -Snores-

Otaku: -pokes him in side-

Naruto: -mumbles-

Otaku: -gets creepy smile on her face, and pulls out a marker-

Itachi: Remember, don't piss off the authoress, or you will get hurt. Now, she demands reviews, and orders that I Mangekyou anyone who doesn't. So, please, I really don't want to have to sleep in a tree again. Just review. Theres the little button right down here! -points to the review button- Just click it, please.


	2. Chapter 2 Insanity in Suna!

**(A/N)** Alright, so, due to popular demand, I've got another chapter of Naruto Speaks His Mind! all ready and set to go for you guys. I hope you like this one as much as you liked the first one. Its got a few more characters in it, so...Have fun!

**Naruto Speaks His Mind!**

**Pairings:** There'll be a bit of GaaNaru and pretty much any other pairing I can work in there. I'll probably end up making Kankuro a manwhore. So, be warned. Oh wait, that's for the warnings, huh?

**Warnings:** CRACK!! Utter insanity, and a sleep-depped Naruto! Suna's never gonna be the same! It's gonna be bad, people, I warned you! (see THIS is what warnings are for.)

**Description:** Naruto STILL hasn't gotten any sleep. Tsunade-baa-chan, evil Bit that she is, sent Naruto and gang out on another mission before he could actually get any sleep! Poor Naruto is forced to go to Suna! Suna will never be the same again...

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto, Pinky-bit would be dead by now. Before she could develop that monstrous strength of hers.

**Naruto Speaks His Mind! -Suna, here we come!**

Naruto whined. He begged, and pleaded. He crawled on his hands and knees and licked her boots. (nasty tasting by the way. -Otaku) But no matter what, Tsunade-baa-chan was forcing them on this damnable mission. It wasn't fair! IT WASN'T FAIR!!

Naruto spent the first day of the two day journey, crying disconsolately. He'd still move, of course, but he'd have tears streaming down his mopey face all day. It was getting rather annoying actually, and Kakashi was seriously getting annoyed.

That night, when they stopped for camp, he went over to the still crying Naruto, pinched both his cheeks and with a very scary smile, said simply, "Stop crying or else, okay?"

Naruto stopped crying.

Sasuke smirked. He was still pissed at the dobe for trying to sell him to Orochimaru. Not that he wasn't thinking of going to the Snake Sennin anyway, but if anyone benefited from him going over to the dark (pedophilic) side, it would be him, dammit! Not the Dobe!

Sakura, meanwhile was trying her hardest to look her best, while sweaty, sticky, dirty, and completely worn out. Sasuke couldn't possibly love a stinky sweaty kunoichi, could he?! No, of course not. Therefore, she must bathe!

"Kakashi-sensei, if at all possible, I'd like to bathe?" Sakura asked, and Kakashi looked at her incredulously, but due to his mask and hitai-ate, it looked like he was just watching her. Kakashi really needed to work on the lack-of-facial expression thing. Sighing mentally, he remembered then that this was SUNA they were going too, where an entire extended family was forced to share water for baths, due to the conservation of water.

"Might as well. All of us will. We'll take turns, Two of us bathing and two of us watching camp. Sakura, you and I will pair up, Sasuke, you and Naruto. One bathes, while the other gaurds their back. Got it?"

The Gennins grumbled about the arrangements, and Sakura out right refused, until Kakashi reminded her that this was her last chance to bathe before Suna. Sighing, she accepted, and she and Kakashi went off into the woods, in search of the river they had seen.

Naruto leaned up against a tree, monotony raining down on him, as his eyes slowly, slowly, oh, so very slowly drifted shut. He sighed, and his thoughts began to unravel, his body easing it's tension, and he was greeted by blank nothingness.

"Oi, Dobe! Wake up, I'm not going to watch camp all by myself!"

And it was ruined. Sending a hateful glare at the raven, Naruto declared a loud, "Shut up, teme, I'm trying to sleep!", before giving in, picking up a stick and poking at the fire. Sasuke smirked. He could pay Naruto back, by ruining his chances at sleep! The blonde moron already looked like Gaara, with those big black rings around his eyes. Maybe the two could bond over how many nights they've spent sleepless!

Sasuke would have chuckled if he had been anything other than an Uchiha. But, seeing as he was one, he settled for smirking evilly instead, a trait he had inherited just as well as his older brother.

Somewhere, miles away, Itachi stopped for a moment, frowning. Kisame (You know, the shark guy? -Otaku) turned around, and called back, "Oi, Itachi, what's wrong?"

Itachi frowned more, and replied, "Somewhere, my foolish little brother is trying to act cool."

Kisame sighed. Why did he have to get paired up with the guy with a brother complex the size of Japan?

Meanwhile, Sakura was trying her hardest to bathe, while trying her hardest to NOT be oggled by her teacher, who she was sure was a pervert enough to oggle her, student or no. Finally she finished, and after drying off, switched with Kakashi. He took a total of five minutes to bathe, and Sakura swore he didn't even take off his mask.

She was beginning to wonder if the mask WAS his face.

Switching out with Naruto and Sasuke, who, twenty minutes later, both came back soaked and unhappy, everyone settled down for the night. They set up watch order, and unfortunately, Naruto was first. Always first...

Sitting up, while everyone else was asleep, he tried, oh god, he tried to sleep, he really did. After all, he could blame it on exhaustion, RIGHT? But no, every sound, every movement, jerked him from his near-sleep state. Sakura mumbling softly, annoyed him, Sasuke, rolling in his sleep, angered him, and he just about freakin' lost it, right there.

How was he supposed to sleep when it felt like every thing was..._amplified_ or something! He felt like some sort of animal- Wait a minute...

_Kyuubi, what the hell?! What did you do to me now?!_

**Nothing, kit, just made sure you can gaurd yourself properly. It'll be gone when you sleep next. Stop worrying so much, neh...** This was accompanied by a mental image of the fox using a pinky to dig out earwax, as if he was very bored.

Sighing, Naruto could only wonder when that might be. He stayed awake all night, letting the others get rest. It wasn't as if he was going to get any sleep, not with every creature in the forest screaming in his ears.

He woke them up around dawn, only for the simple fact that he couldn't really cook their breakfast, not unless everyone wanted ramen. He had nothing esle, and he wasn't about to brave the traps on his teammates packs just for his growling stomach.

"What? Is it my shift, Naruto?" Sakura asked, yawning in a very unladylike way. Naruto grumbled, and his stomach growled. Sakura twitched, smacking Naruto over. Said blonde pouted.

"What was that for, you pink-haired freak?!" He whined. She twitched again, a vein popping up on her overly large forehead.

Ending the impending fight, Kakashi threw a granola bar at Naruto, who pounced on it like a starving wolf, shovelling it down without hesitation. Smiling again, in that creepy-ass way of his, he waited for the jinchuuriiki to finish.

"Now, Naruto, care to explain to me why we all got a full nights rest? Except you?" Again, that scary smile made the blonde shudder in fear. He smiled, nervously, and shrugged.

"Well, see, I figured since we have no clue what we're dealing with, and I'm already on sleep-dep, you guys might as well be well-rested, right? Aheh?" As he pulled an explanation out of his ass, Sasuke watched with coal black eyes, silently smirking. The dobe was smarter when completely out of it. He had made an _almost_ beleivable excuse...

Apperantly it made sense to Kakashi-sensei, becuase he left the poor quivvering blonde alone. Sighing in releif, said blonde began packing up his part of the camp, still slothly slow, and grumbling to himself about 'stupid foxes' and 'sleep' and 'castration'. Kyuubi just chuckled in the back of his head.

"Alright, guys, we should reach Suna by nightfall, so keep an eye out for it. We'll be in the desert in a few hours." The silver-maned jounin informed his subordinates. Keeping an extra eye on Naruto, he hoped that the bad feeling he had, wasn't related to the blonde. His last mission had been pretty bad, and the blonde was lacking even more sleep now.

Leaping from branch to branch, the group moved quickly, not pushing themselves too hard, but making sure that their trip wouldn't take too long. They made really good time, and ended up a good ways into the desert a few hours early. They were going to end up in Sunagakure sooner than they had thought!

At the gate, they were greeted by the Sand siblings, and three of Suna's version of the ANBU. Kakashi greeted them, as was expected, and all was going well. That is, until Naruto, giddy from all the adrenaline of running and stuff, glomped Gaara.

For a second, all was still. Kakashi was eerily reminded of that moment in the forest. No one dared move, or make a sound, lest Gaara's wrath be brought upon them, rather than the blonde haired dunce. So, of course, when Gaara smiled, a little, secret smile, and patted the hyperactive blonde on the head, just about everyone had a heartattack, minus Gaara, Naruto, Temari, and Kankuro.

While keeping his journal-reports, he had also been writing to the red-head, and they were VERY close friends.

"So, I see you still haven't gotten rid of your insomnia, Panda-boy!" Naruto joked, still hanging off the future Kazekage. The sea-foamed eyed boy frowned, and glanced at the other boy's face. Seeing rings under his eyes, obvious signs that he knew all to well himself, Gaara became concerned.

"Is Kyuubi giving you trouble, Naruto?" He asked, while half-carrying, half-dragging the clingy boy into Suna. Kankuro lead Sakura, smiling oh so very gentlemanly, making Sakura blush, but smile at the same time. Temari grinned at Sasuke, which made him cringe in disgust. Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was VERY much gay, thank you. How else could he even consider going with a snake lord who only wanted his body?

"Nope, Gaa-kun. Just too many missions. I haven't been able to get any sleep for a little over...Ten days now, I think..." a huge yawn erupted from the blonde, and the green-eyed jinchuuriiki would have chuckled, if not for the fact that he was Gaara of the sand, and Gaara of the sand did _not_ chuckle.

"Well, you can sleep all you like here, Naruto. Gaara sprung for you to come here, so you could have a break, and spend some time training with him. Not that he'll ever admit it. You and your team will be accompanying me and mine on our missions, but you guys'll just sit back and relax, ok?" Temari chirped, her mood lifted, seeing her little brothers so happy. (Yes, this can happen. I have two little brothers and just seeing their smiling faces makes me happy. And I suppose a smirk for Gaara is as close as she's gonna get...good for you, Temari! -Otaku)

Naruto let out a whoop, and huggled Temari, yelling, "You rock, Temari-nee-chan!"

Laughing, Temari patted Naruto on the head, as if this were normal. Everyone else but Kankuro and Gaara were basically stuck in "WTF?!" mode, however. Temari, one of the feircest Kunoichi in all five shinobi nations, was allowing Naruto, the most annoying creature on the face of the planet, to hang all over her! What was going on!?

Sakura decided to take it into her own hands, bapping the sleep-deprived blonde on the head, effectively knocking him off the other blonde. As Naruto sat, blubbering a bit, whining a lot, and Kakashi and Sasuke looked as if a universal order had been restored, neither noticed the covert glares they were receiving from all three sand-sibs.

You see, the sand-siblings like Naruto, Kankuro and Temari in a sibling kind of way (No, not the way they liked Gaara during the Chuunin exams, ok?! Jeeze...-Otaku) and Gaara, possibly, a little more than that. They knew what a brilliant, and courageous youth Naruto was. To see him hit so brutally, by one of his own team, while the others stood by and watched as if this were an everyday occurence made them furious.

However, almost in accord, they decided to speak to Naruto about it later. That is, if the Gennin would make any sense at all...

"Kankuro-nii-chan! Stop being a man-whore for a minute, and help me up!" the blue-eyed boy whined from his place on the ground, holding his hands out like a petulant four-year-old. Even as Sakura protested, yelling at Naruto to "grow up", Kankuro gave the boy a hand, winking at him, as he slipped a paper into the other males sleeve. Naruto would look at it later, he knew.

Naruto wondered what was in the covert note that Kankuro gave him. Probably another blatant hint as to Gaara's feelings for him. Naruto already knew the panda-like boy had a crush on him. It was quite obvious. In fact, the only reason he hadn't confronted the sand-jockey about it was because he couldn't quite figure out how he felt about the other boy, either.

Ah well, he had years before he had to think of that kind of thing, right? He was only twelve after all!

Kankuro snickered as he caught the weirded out look on the blonde's face, before turning back to the pretty little pink-haired Kunoichi next to him. Kakashi meanwhile, tried his hardest to ignore the fact that this was little more than a paid vacation, and concentrate as if this were an actual mission. Who knew what could happen. After all, this was Suna, and they _were_ staying with the most dangerous of all psychotic jinchuriiki (I haven't met any other jinchuriiki but Gaara and Naruto, so hey. -Otaku).

Arriving at the mansion/cave that the Suna Siblings lived in, Naruto let out a whoop, which was silenced by another smack from Sakura, and a loud declaration of "Be QUIET!". Kakashi just

sighed, sure he was going to have one hell of a time. With this team, he was screwed.

The three siblings split up, Gaara showing Naruto to his room, Temari showing Sakura to hers, and Kankuro, whining all the way, showing Sasuke and Kakashi to their seperate rooms. Gaara had a mission, and he was going to get answers. As he expected, as soon as the door was opened, Naruto dived for the bed. It was a simple thing to grab the other boy's ankle, making him miss the bed.

After Naruto recovered from his up-close-and-personal meeting with the floor, the blonde got up, one hand on his hip, looking very much like a housewife about to tell her husband off. Poking Gaara hard with one finger, he forced the red-head to sit down on the very bed he was leaping for.

"Gaa-chan, you are one mean guy, you know that?! I was all set to take a good nap and then you face plant me! What the hell was that for?! Your old psychosis acting up again? Huh? Or is Shukaku giving you orders now?!" Naruto ranted, and the green-eyed jinchuriiki sighed, waiting for it to end. He remembered what it was like for him to start to go without sleep. It's harder when you're a child, and barely able to understand WHY you can't slip into black abyss. He knew it was hard, and that the blonde was most likely going to go off on anyone who did just about anything to him.

"Well?!" Naruto demanded an answer to some question he must have asked while Gaara was thinking, or maybe the few he had asked while the raccoon _was_ listening. He wasn't sure, and therefore did the only safe thing at the time.

Change the subject.

"Why do you let them order you around, hit you, and otherwise berate you, Naruto?" Gaara asked, his voice the same infuriating, emotionless calm as always. Naruto sighed in frustration, really beginning to hate the world for being so cruel to him.

"Look, okay, I had just as easy a time in my village as you did here, Gaara. Exept, the major difference between your village and mine is, I couldn't just kill people to keep them from hurting me. If I did that, I wouldn't have been allowed to live past my fourth birthday, okay? Konoha was terrified of me from my birth, not from age four, or whatever. I've been forced to endear myself to anyone I can, in any way I can, just to survive. Why do you think I wear this color?! To make a fashion statement? Hell no! It's the only thing the stupid shopkeepers will sell me! I had to steal my tank tops, just to make it look SOMEWHAT normal."

"It does help somewhat." Gaara said, nodding. Naruto growled, forcing himself not to slap his forehead at the statement.

"Anyway, I walk around acting like a moron, looking like a moving target, hoping to god that someday they'll accept me, just a little bit, so that I can live without fear! If Sakura has to hit me, so that I can have that, then I'll take any punch she can dish out."

Naruto turned expectant eyes on his friend. He figured that Gaara would do something, tell him he's stupid, or that he should just destroy the village or something. God knows, he hasn't thought of _that_ option enough.

Instead, Gaara put a hand on his shoulder, looking a bit uncomfortable, and said "I understand, Naruto. You will never have to live in fear here. When I become Kazekage, you will be welcome here whenever you wish."

Naruto's great, sea-blue eyes filled with tears, and he hugged the panda-boy, nearly bursting into tears. He felt so much better. He knew that Gaara would keep his word. After all, Gaara had never lied, so far as he knew, and what reason would he have to start now?

Unless...

Unless, he was hired by the Konoha high council to get rid of him...Then he'd make him trust him, only to do away with him...Naruto was careful not to tense, when this thought came to his mind. Gaara was a ninja, he'd be able to sense the slightest bit of disturbance in Naruto's breathing... He'd have to be extra careful, and extra vigilant around Gaara now, and his brother and sister. They were probably trying to lure him into a trap. Now he couldn't afford to sleep, not with this insomniac red-head running around.

"Hey, hey! Let's go train some, mkay?" Naruto put on his happy facade again, this time trying to fool the one-tailed jinchuriiki into believing him. The other male didn't buy it one minute, but he knew he'd find out what it was about later. After all, it was a well known fact that Naruto never stayed silent about something that bothered him, unless speaking up would end with his death.

Kakashi watched, covertly from behind his Icha Icha Paradise, as the two Jinchuuriiki entered the sandy, hot training ground, dropping into fighting stances. His black eye trained on them, watching the sinuous movements, as the two moved from Taijutsu, minus some sand, into weapons practise.

It was elegance in motion, if you didn't watch Naruto. Neither one landed a hit, and both blocked perfectly, keeping it slow and easy. It was only practise after all. Kakashi's head-chibi was doing a dance of victory. If anyone could teach Naruto subtlety, it'd be Gaara. Just in watching the fight, he could see the improvement that the blonde was making.

Like just then, normally, Naruto would have stuck his tongue out at Gaara. Instead, he taunted the other male by doing a strange dance! Such an improvement!

While Kakashi was musing over his pupil, he had managed to ignore the other two. One of which, whom he REALLY should have been keeping an eye on, especially after the chuunin exams, was brooding. And a brooding Uchiha was never a good thing.

Sasuke just couldn't take it. What was wrong with that loser?! Sure, he was running on less than twelve hours of sleep for the last week and a half, but still! They were ninja! Tough conditions were part of their job description. It was right next to the bad fashion sense on the manifesto.

So what was so wrong with the dobe that he was unpredictable! Not that he was ever really that predictable to begin with...

But that didn't matter! Sasuke needed to figure out what was going on behind that pretty face.

Woah, pause...Had he just thought Naruto was _pretty?_ Okay, that's it, no more late night chatting sessions with Orochimaru on msn messenger. He was starting to sound gayer than necessary. That wouldn't do.

Sakura, meanwhile, was stalking Temari. She had to deal with a psychopathic, maniacal, homocidal, just down right full blown ping on the creepy-meter, kind of guy all the time. Surely she'd have some tips on how to handle Naruto in his sleep deprived state.

Temari, however, was not amused. She was a shinobi, trained, bred and damn good at her job. She knew Sakura was stalking her, like the pink-haired bitch she was, and wanted it to stop. Now!

So, she did what anyone who wanted to lose an unwanted tail did. She found Gaara. The red-head was training Naruto in subtlety, the same as he always did when they were paired with his team for a mission. Of course, to Naruto and anyone with an IQ under thirty, it looked like sparring, but there was always that slight hint of guidance one could catch, if they watched Gaara.

Of course, if Naruto ever found out, he'd pitch such a fit, the other side of the world would hear his yells.

Sasuke jumped down from the third floor window, where he was watching the dobe, and went over to the growing group of teenagers. Standing as emo-tastic as always behind Sakura, he watched, same as the others, the growing progress as the mock battle slowly grew larger, and suddenly got an idea.

"Hn. To bad it's just sparring. The rest of us can only watch." He said, quietly influencing his pink-haired teammates mind. She quickly agreed with him, coming up with his idea, as if it were her own.

"Yeah! Maybe we could do something bigger, like...Like a mock mission or something, or...No, it's silly." She said, shaking her head.

Temari turned, glancing at the pinkette, wondering what the hell was wrong with her. "Well, what is it?"

Sakura looked up, nervous at Temari's annoyed tone. "Um...Well, as kids, in Konoha, we played Ninja-tag. It might as well be tag, but...well, we used whatever means necessary to either avoid being it, or, if we were it, to pass it on to another."

Naruto, in his sleep-deprived state, heard only one thing, in the midst of his sparring with the sand-nin. 'Ninja-tag'. He'd always loved the game. It was a game of subterfuge, camouflage, and mind-games. There was nothing better than a good chance to mind-fuck someone! -Insert evil giggles here-.

Stopping, mid punch, he turned towards Sakura and the gang, yelling out, "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, SAKURA-CHAN!!" Just as Gaara scored a hit, directly to his face. A flash of shock registered on the red-head's face, before he frowned again. Everyone else just stared in a form of shock, as Naruto went flying a few feet, and then crumpled to the ground.

Naruto was in pain. A lot of it. He hurt, and it was bad. He knew he had broken something in his landing. But everyone was expecting him to get up, to act like nothing had happened. And he did. Hiding his wince, by squinting his eyes, he grinned as he got up, finding out quickly that it was one of his thigh bones that had apperantly broken. He leaned on the other leg, putting his hands behind his head, making sure he looked normal, before responding.

"Heh, I meant for that to happen!" Everyone sweatdropped. He walked over to the others, cursing his idiocy, as his leg-bones grated together. He hid the pain with a huge grin, and made sure to put the same amount of weight on the leg he would have if it had been normal. He didn't want anyone to think he was hurt. He couldn't take the chance that the Sand-Sibs would strike then.

"So, we gonna play, or what?" Naruto said. No one noticed his fake grin. In fact, Sakura was berating him for not paying attention to a fight, mock or no. Sasuke just called him a loser, and left it at that.

During this, Kakashi figured a good game of tag would help his team unwind, and would help them develop just a teensy bit of self-reliance, as well as some much needed reflexes, on Naruto's part. So, appearing before his team, and their hosts, he smiled behind his mask.

"I'll be the referee."

They quickly hashed out the rules, and explained them to the clueless one in the group, Gaara. Naruto would have had to have it explained to him too, except that he spent a whole lot of time watching how other kids played the game. He never got to play it, because no one wanted to play with Naruto, but he knew the rules, and he had always wanted to.

They decided that whoever was it, had to tag someone, and that person then became it. No tag-backs were allowed, and it had to be a physical hand on body touch, in order to pass the "It" along. Knock out force was acceptable, but no aiming to kill. This was aimed, sadly, at Gaara, and had he been a normal boy, he would have looked hurt. But this was Gaara, so nothing happened to his face, but it hurt on the inside. They were allowed to use anything they wanted, any advantage they might have. That meant that Gaara's and Naruto's demons were technically in play too.

The old fox chuckled inside the boy, wanting very badly to be out of his cage, so he could turn it into a bloodbath, rather than a game. Shukaku was thinking something very much along the same lines...

The entire grounds of Suna were in play, and if you could find a place to hide, go for it. They did a quick "Not it" tourney to see who would be it. Kakashi ruled that Kankuro, who had shown up some time during the rule-making, was it, and suddenly, the six ninja were gone, leaving Kakashi alone in the training ground.

Naruto was hiding. He knew that Kankuro would be scouring the streets, looking for the slowest, brightest (colored) one of the shinobi. So, he pulled his favorite trick. He turned into a girl! A sweet, short-haired, pretty, but not super-model pretty, blonde, with blue eyes, minus his whisker marks. His clothes morphed into a simple, brown dress with a dark blue shawl, and a basket.

Hardly anyone realised that he had _created_ the Oroike no Jutsu. He could alter it to his will, same as with the Harem no Jutsu. He was the perfect spy, yet no one in Konoha realised it. He giggled a bit at this, as he went through the market, an ordinary girl, out for shopping, in an ordinary way.

He watched, subvertly of course, as Kankuro flipped over the street he was standing in, searching. It was amazing, watching a Ninja in action, when one doesn't have to worry about that ninja tracking you down, and killing you for a mission, or worse, just because you were alive. It really did lift one's spirits!

Something in his sleeve crinkled, and the blonde nearly panicked, thinking it might be an exploding tag that Kankuro had stuffed in his sleeve last minute, before he remembered the note Kankuro had given him. He pulled it out, glancing at it as if it were his shopping list, and managed to read it, just as Temari ran by, seeking a new refuge, as Kankuro got too close to her previous one.

'Yo, Naruto. I know you're confuzzled, about Gaara, about life, and stuff. But, y'know, if you want to talk to me, go for it. I am after all, Gaara's personal counselor too, so I might as well make a franchise. Can you imagine? Kankuro, therapist, specializes in Jinchuuriki Mental health. Anyway, just wanted you to know that you can come to Suna, any time you want. You'd have a home here, whether you decide on Gaara or not. Good luck, kid, and hopefully, you'll remember to read this BEFORE you leave Suna.'

It was all Naruto had, not to cry. There was something in his eye, it had to be. He was so tired, and it was so sandy. It figured he'd get dust in his eyes. He wiped at his eyes, and stuck the paper back into his sleeve, which at the moment, was kind of voluminous. He glanced up, just to meet the eyes of Kankuro. He was smiling at the blonde girl, a half-formed idea in his head.

However, before he could hit on her, she tossed a kunai at him, and leaped off! Damnit! He was Kankuro, the lady-killer of Suna! No woman ran from him!

Giving chase, but for entirely different reasons than Naruto thought, which was because he had seen through the genjutsu, and was chasing after him to tag him. It wasn't until Kankuro called out, asking her to stop, so that they could get to know one another, did Naruto realise.

Not only did he sweatdrop at Kankuro's man-whore-iness, but immediately dropped the genjutsu, and threw him a raspberry over his retreating shoulder. Kankuro stopped, if for nothing else than the shock factor of one of the hottest chicks he'd ever seen turning into Naruto. This gave Naruto time to run away and find a new hiding spot.

Sadly, this brilliant hiding spot was also Sasuke's. The avenger promptly kicked him out of it, right in front of Kankurou, who, utterly shocked, fell over. This gave the blonde enough time to run again, but Sasuke had to run too. Kankurou had figured out his hiding spot all because of that damn Dobe!

Now Sasuke was on the run too, which caused Kakashi to laugh his ass off. After all, Ninja-tag was all seriousness, until someone got hurt. Then, it was just fuckin' hilarious. However, there was something strange...

Naruto wasn't moving properly. It was almost as if...He was favoring his left leg. Why? Had something happened? He couldn't just call the game because one of the players was injured, but that would put Naruto at a huge disadvantage.

Naruto was feeling that dissadvantage. He could feel the bones in his leg grate against each other, unable to heal because they kept shifting. He was in so much pain. He needed to find a place to hide. Luckily, Kankurou was hunting Sasuke now, and not Naruto.

Had Naruto been a little more on his game, he might have realised that if Kankurou and the other sound sibs were hunting him they would have struck now, while it looked like a game. But he was too busy finding a hiding spot, which turned out to be a loft in an abandoned building.

There, he gritted his teeth, and, pulling down his pants, he began to check out the break. It was clean, and it should heal. But he needed to stay still for atleast a half an hour, for that to happen. He would have to hide for that length of time, from everyone, for he never knew who would be it.

So, imagine how much he cursed the gods when, five full minutes away from his leg being fully healed, Gaara shows up. Dammit! He stood, pain shooting through his leg, pulling a kunai, sure that Gaara was it now, and trying to get him.

"Naruto. I need to hide. Temari slammed me into a large building, and Shukaku is having a hard time healing." His voice was the same, but Naruto had always had a hard time figuring out lies from someones voice.

He growled. That seemed the safest reply.

Gaara raised an eyebrow, and sat on the ground, opposite the growling Naruto. He noticed it then. The blonde's wince. He stood then, and strode over to the boy, pulling the injured leg out from under him. Naruto, predictably, fell on his ass.

"Hey! Stop pulling my leg!" Naruto yelled. He was having a really hard time, his leg shoooting pain up his spine, and Gaara's strange seafoam-green eyes staring intently at said leg, so that he didn't notice that he had just said one of the lamest jokes ever.

Gaara, however, was having a hard time NOT noticing the blonde's pants-less-ness. He was fighting down a blush, as well as Shukaku's horrible taunts. The tanuki seemed intent on showing him images that involved much bare skin, and a writhing Naruto. Bad combination.

"You are injured as well." Gaara intoned, before turning those beautiful sea-green eyes onto Naruto. "We will share this hiding place, and recover."

With that, the psychotic redhead sat down in a corner, and closed his eyes. That was a bad move, seeing as how he could hear the panicked breathing coming from Naruto, and the irregular beats of the blonde's heart, and with Shukaku's help it wasn't hard to turn those sounds into something much worse.

Naruto, however, was trying to get up, which made the sounds much worse, since the pain added in a small, high-pitch whine to it. Thankfully, however, Naruto suddenly yelled, "YATTA!!!"

The blonde's leg was healed! 'Thank you creepy ass fox-demon!' Naruto thought, causing Kyuubi to let out an indignant, 'HEY!!'

Jumping clear of the building in which the red-headed sand-nin was hiding, Naruto ran down the street, so happy that he could move with little to no pain that he didn't even realise...

That he ran smack into Uchiha Itachi.

Who else could it be, looking like a grown up version of Sasuke in drag?! And the nail-polish was SO not his color.

"HOLY FUCK!!!" Naruto screamed, dropping backwards onto his ass. The big blue guy behind Itachi started cracking up, his giant sword causing him to fall over ackwardly.

"Hn..." Itachi said, raising a dark eyebrow.

Naruto was scared. And when Naruto was scared he did one of two things. He either pee'd his pants, or he did something stupid.

This time, he did something stupid.

"Oi! You're Sasuke's Onii-chan, right?" Naruto asked, curious, and utterly unaware of how close to death he was.

Itachi nodded, frowning. This boy was WAY too calm for his liking. Well, Tsukuyomi would do something for that, now wouldn't it?

"So, I'm guessing what happened was, your clan found out about your crossdressing, and that's why you killed them all!" Naruto said, slamming his fist down into his palm as if he had figured everything out. Kisame laughed even louder, now, rolling around on the ground, while his younger partner stood, wide eyed and staring at the little blonde in front of him.

"But no, that doesn't explain why you left Sasuke alive. Unless! I get it now! You want Sasuke to join up with you and start a drag-queen club! You'll call it 'Uchiha's Delight' and your blue boyfriend will be the bouncer! That's it!" Naruto's mouth was running away with him now, and he didn't realise just how much pain he was bringing onto himself. Itachi's shocked horror had now morphed into furious indignation, and Kisame had stopped laughing now, blushing as he realised what the little blue-eyed nin had just said about him.

Sasuke felt it. His Aniki's chakra, here, in Suna. Rushing towards it, he met up with the sand-sib's and the rest of his team, minus Naruto. Where was the blonde moron, anyway? Not the point, though, as he rushed forward, into the street to see...

Kisame, on the ground, looking like he just pee'd his pants and panting, Itachi standing in a muderous cloud of horror, and Naruto, blabbering on to the raven-maned missing-nin. Sasuke stopped, utterly surprised, before Kakashi teleported in front of the babbling blonde.

"Naruto, it's time to be quiet now." Kakashi hissed. Naruto, however, looked affronted, and put his hands on his hips, causing Gaara to choke, as he had seen that posture just an hour before, when Naruto was lecturing him.

"Now, you look here, Kakashi-sensei, Itachi-san and I were having a nice little chat, and we were just about to get to tips on hair care. Now, I understand, you don't want me to give away your aloe-vera secret, but I seriously doubt that warrants you telling me to shut up!"

Kakashi turned in horror, and whined at Naruto, "YOU PROMISED!!!"

Everyone stopped, and stared. So THAT was how Kakashi got his hair to defy gravity. Sasuke made a mental note to try that later.

Kisame raised his hand, "Um, could we possibly get back to shopping? Itachi's out of popsicles, and he gets really cranky without them."

Now it was Itachi's turn to spin on his heels, and shreik, "I DO NOT!!"

Sasuke nodded his head in agreement with Kisame, "You really do, Aniki."

Itachi pouted, and suddenly, no one really felt like fighting. I mean, seriously, Kakashi was still teary-eyed over his revealed secret, and Itachi was pouting. On top of that, Naruto was now trying to engage the S-Class Missing-nin in conversation on skin care, since his hair care idea had gone down the drain, and Gaara just gave up.

So, Itachi and Kisame agreed not to take Naruto's demon until later on, and Sasuke was thrown into a wall, after trying to ambush his brother during Naruto's chat with him. Sasuke ended up in intensive care for three days, and Naruto, lucky little guy, managed to get to sleep. Mostly because Gaara knocked him out, after Naruto spewed something about conspiracies and utter shame.

But that's a tale for later, isn't it?

End Chapter 

Otaku: So, whatcha think?

Itachi: I am not that girly!

Otaku: You tie your hair back with a ribbon.

Itachi: It's STRING!! STRING!!!

Kisame: Yeah, Ri-iiight...

See you!


	3. Chapter 3 Naru's Day Out

**Authors Note: ** Okay, yeah, been a long, LONG time. XD Sorry. I've been having issues, and decided you know, I needed a little stress-releiver. Hence, Naruto is back! And some of you gave me some really, really awesome ideas for another chapter! YAY!! So, if you see your idea used, feel free to pat your back! So, here is another chapter of:

**Naruto Speaks His Mind!**

**Pairings: **Has evolved: Is now unrequited Sasu/Naru, possible Gaa/Naru, and definite Kisame/Itachi (XD shark and a weasel…), and anything else I come up with. XD

**Warnings:** Dear god. XD This chapter… is gonna rock your face off.

**Description:** Naruto is unfortunately, unable to sleep, even knocked out. So, once again, he goes on a rampage of hilarity and self-discovery!

**Disclaimer:** Otaku does NOT own Naruto. If she did… Dear god. XD

**Chapter three – Why you don't let Naru-chan have caffeine**

"Naruto. Go to sleep." He growled, his loam-green eyes glaring. He'd knocked the other jinchuriiki out, he really, really had. WHY wasn't he SLEEPING?! Naruto whimpered, the blonde looking pathetic. It made Gaara want to almost hug him. It seemed strange, and there seemed no point, but the red-head had the urge anyway.

"I cannnnn't, Gaa-chan!" Naruto whined, his blue eyes filled with tears, stinging. The two were on Gaara's bed, Naruto tied down, and the red-head keeping him company. He was writhing and kicking against the ropes. "Please! Let me uppppp!"

Sasuke sighed, the sandy rooftop making his shorts chafe. He wished something would happen already. He seriously, seriously needed to figure out what the fuck was wrong with the blonde. Sleep-deprivation was part of every ninja's training, and there was no reason why he shouldn't be able to handle it. So, why did the blonde seem so very… fruity?! And why the FUCK did he try to SELL him, Sasuke, to Orochimaru?!

Even Orochi himself didn't understand it, and the snake-ish man chatted with him every night. Lovely thing about Suna, free wifi all over the city. It had really become prosperous under Gaara's rule. No one dared ask WHY the red-headed Kazekage gave the city free wifi, but they were all thankful anyway.

Groaning, Sasuke decided to give up on it for the night, heading inside. Kakashi looked up upon seeing his student walking down the decadent hallways towards the room he'd been given. Kakashi was still reading his Icha Icha Paradise, and so, was sitting in an alcove in the hallway.

"All done with your Naruto watching, Sasuke?" He sniggered, and recfeived a pitch black stare from the raven-nette. "Whatever… Just make sure you're awake tomorrow. Technically, this IS a mission." He smirked. "Oh, and try not to be too loud. I'm right next door."

Sasuke growled, "Shut up, Kakashi-sensei. I'm not THAT loud." His snoring was really getting out of hand if Kakashi noticed…

It was still nothing to Sakura's however, who was sprawled across her own bed, which, sadly, was one wall away from Temari's. The blonde sister of the kazekage was this close to breaking through the freaking wall and strangling the pinky-bitch just to shut her up!

Morning didn't seem to come fast enough for anyone, and in the end, Naruto and Gaara stayed up all night, playing go-fish. The bad thing was that Naruto… got into Gaara's energy-drink stash. He was giggling now, his whole body jazzed, and he found sitting still was really, really hard to do. Even more so than usual!

Breakfast was a trial, really, for everyone's patience. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SIT STILL!" Sakura yelled, finally having had enough. She slammed her silverware down, glaring at Naruto, and had she, Sasuke, and Kakashi all not been at the very, very bottom of the table, far away from the blonde, she would have hit him. HARD.

As it was, Naruto giggled, and sneered, "Oh? Worried, Sakura? Afraid I'm going to make you look even WORSE in front of Gaara than you already do?"

"Shut it, blondie." Sakura growled, her whole body shaking with the effort of keeping still.

Meanwhile, A very, very sad man, in an orange mask, was sniffling. "Itachi-senpai? Kisame-senpai?" He called, and those around him held their children away, some of them almost sure that he was some kind of molester, or pervert. I mean, who wears a long, dark coat, and a fucking MASK?!

Tobi sniffled, reaching under his mask, and wiping away a tear. "Tobi will be a good boy… Please stop hiding!" He cried, still wandering around the city.

Naruto sighed, bored out of his mind now, and no one seemed to know what to do. Sasuke and Sakura were off wandering the city, luckily. But sadly, Naruto was stuck in Gaara's office with him, his head cradled on the male's desk, whimpering. Gaara was doing paperwork, and it was so boooorrrriiiiiinnnnnggg…..

"Ne, ne, Gaara… Let's go out… Come on… Let's go play. Please… PLEASE!!" He begged. And Gaara sighed. For the hundredth time this last hour.

"Naruto… I can't. I have to finish this… If you want, go take a walk around Suna… I'll find you later, once I'm done, alright?"

Naruto pouted, having wanted to spend time with the red-head, but nodded, "Alright… But you'd better come find me, Gaa-chan. I WILL find a way to tickle you, if you don't." He warned. Gaara snorted, and Naruto cursed the fact that Gaara didn't believe he'd do it.

He moved out of the mansion quickly, heading out. It wasn't very hard at all, to shift to his oroike-no-jutsu form, and wander around town. He toned it down just a bit, so that his long blonde hair was up in a ponytail, and his bust and hips were just a little bit… less wide.

He was shopping. It was something he loved to do, ever since he discovered that it would work in a town he WASN'T absolutely loathed in. He grinned, letting his delicate hands trail over all of the pretty objects, allowing himself to stall, and debate if he had enough money to buy this, or that.

That is, until he heard a plaintive voice calling out, "Come onnnnn! Tobi will be a good boy! Senpaiiii!"

He, currently, she, turned to look, and saw a poor kid wandering around in an orange mask, and a long black trench with red clouds on it. Huh… That… seemed familiar… Where did he know that from…

AH WELL! It probably wasn't that important anyway. "Hey, kiddo!"

Tobi paused, turning to look at the one who'd called. It was a pretty girl, and Tobi smiled, not that anyone could see behind his mask, "Oh, hello! Does Tobi know you?"

Naruto sniggered, "Not really… Are you looking for someone?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Tobi is looking for his Senpai… They've disspeared…" He pouted. "Tobi has to find them, to prove he's a good boy."

Naruto grinned, "Well, for now, why don't you hang out with me, and we'll walk around town, seeing if we can find them, hm?" The blonde wanted to help. This kid reminded him of himself, and that, in and of itself, demanded his attention.

"SURE!" Tobi grinned, walking down the street, the pretty brunette slowly morphing into his normal blonde self.

"NICE HENGE!!" Tobi cried, "That is so cool… Could you teach Tobi? Please? Please?!"

Naruto thought about it for a moment, before grinning, "Sure! Why not!" After all, he'd taught Konohamaru, and that kid sucked!

They found an abandoned little training ground, which, strangely enough, gave Naruto a sense of déjà-vu. He grinned, sitting in the swings, and blinked, remembering where he got déjà-vu from. One of Gaara's flashbacks. THAT explained it. Naruto almost expected to see an adorable little chibi-gaara going emo on some kids. THAT would be cute!

He giggled, and Tobi tilted his head, "Umm… Senpai?" He asked, tilting his head.

Naruto shook his head, "It's okay, it's okay! Just thinking about something funny. Anyway, first you gotta imagine the prettiest girl you know."

Tobi nodded, a look of utter seriousness overtaking his mask. Naruto wondered only for a moment why the fuck the mask was taking on facial expressions, before deciding to throw that thought out, and label it as 'something fucking weird that probably has to do with chakra, but doesn't really matter in the end, so can be ignored like most of the rest of this weird ass world.' Then, he smiled, watching the kid make the little…thinky-dealy, hand-symbol, that started off most jutsu.

"Okay, good. Now, route the chakra into a henge, like you would for Kawarimi-no-jutsu, only instead of making it on a log, make it on yourself, got it?" He grinned, and Tobi nodded, calling out the chant he decided to use.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" And suddenly, there was a really, really hot blonde where Tobi was. Naruto was impressed, and circled the male, grinning. The hair was pulled up into a half-ponytail, and the bangs fell over a single eye, much like Ino, and for a moment, he wondered if this guy had a crush on Ino, or something. But the breasts were much too supple, and the hips were rather nice too.

"Who'd you base it off of, kid?"

"Deidara-senpai. He's a boy, but he's really, really pretty! He's the prettiest person Tobi knows!" Tobi nodded, making the pretty blonde nod.

"That makes sense." Naruto nodded, grinning. "Well, now you got it! So, what do your Senpai look like?" He asked, tilting his head.

Tobi grinned, "Oh! They wear the same cloaks just like mine! And… And… Well, the ones I'm looking for have painted nails, and pretty red eyes, and one has blue skin!"

Naruto's eyes widened. "OH! You're looking for Kisame and Itachi, right? They left town already, saying they'd try and get me when I went back to Konoha. Itachi gave me this great recipe for homemade skin lotion though. Do you want it to?" He grinned, absolutely okay with sharing beauty tips.

Tobi grinned, "YAY!!"

"WHAT THE HELL, NARUTO!?" Sakura's shrill voice cried over the entire city, and Gaara, having just finished his last piece of paperwork, blinked and looked up. Sighing, he got ready to go get them. Sakura stormed forward, growling, and seizing Naruto by the shirt. "You IDIOT! He's the ENEMY!"

Naruto growled, "You are such a BITCH, Sakura! I'm perfectly fine until I go to Konoha, isn't that right, Tobi-kun?"

Tobi nodded, smiling, "Tobi will be a GOOD boy!"

Sakura twitched, and Sasuke had to say, he was amused. Naruto growled, "I know what it is, Sakura… You can't get over the fact that I'm so much prettier than you when I'm a girl…" He purred into her ear, and she lost it.

The pinkette threw Naruto, who managed an awesome ninja flip, and grinned, poofing in to his girl-form, a hot, naked blonde, with a hell of a rack. Both Naruto and Tobi's mask exploded into nosebleeds, and watched as Naruto caught the charging Sakura, and tossed her through the air.

"BITCH!" Sakura grunted upon landing.

Gaara blinked, upon coming to the scene, and even he had to hold a hand to his nose to stifle a nosebleed. Naruto was hot in any form, it seemed. And watching him beat the shit out of Sakura in a cat-fight was rather… interesting.

Eventually, they gathered a large coroud, and Naruto pile-drove Sakura into the ground, standing. "I AM THE CHAMPION! I PWNED your ass, Sakura! I am a better girl than you will EVER be!" He laughed.

Gaara sighed, and decided to try again, smacking the blonde hard upside the back of the head, hoping to knock him out. The illusion disappeared, and Naruto collapsed, snoring happily, and grinning in his sleep.

Needless to say, Sakura had bald patches the next day, was a sobbing wreck, and Naruto was still sleeping. Temari sighed, "Is it bad that I want their vacation here to be over, just so I can get rid of this headache?" She whined to her brother.

Kankuro sniggered, and Gaara sighed.

**End Chapter**

**Otaku: **So? What'd you think? Pretty good for written in a night, right? XD

**Naruto: ** It made no SENSE! V.V

**Otaku: ** T.T Well… Well FUCK YOU. *sniffle*

**Gaara: ** She tried, and she gave us naked you, pile-driving an annoying Sakura. So, please, review, and she'll have more later. Hopefully.


End file.
